I'm in US, FBI is in US, why do I need a Nigerian lawyer?

Did you receive an insanely stupid spam message? Or yet another spam message with (!!) no URL? Post it here so we can continue to laugh at mentally-challenged spammers.

I'm in US, FBI is in US, why do I need a Nigerian lawyer?

Postby AlphaCentauri » Sat Jun 23, 2012 1:55 pm

Anti-Terrorist and Monetary Crimes Division
FBI Headquarters In Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

Attention: Beneficiary

This is the final warning you are going to receive from me, do you get me? I hope you understand how many times this message has been sent to you.

Well, I'm assuming this is really the first time, scammer, but if you sent it before I could have missed it among all the other fake emails from Robert S. Mueller, III. Also, you sent it as a text attachment in base 64 code, so it didn't display in my text reader without some extra effort. I don't have time for that nonsense every day.
We have warned you so many times and you have decided to ignore our e-mails or because you believe we have not been instructed to get you arrested and today if you fail to respond back to us with the payment details below, then we would first send a letter to the MAYOR of the city where you reside and direct them to close your bank account until you have been jailed and all your properties will be confiscated by the FBI, CIA and other enforcement agency.

Dude, look up "run-on sentences."
We would also send a letter to the company/agency that you are working for so that they could get you fired until we are through with our investigations because a suspect is not supposed to be working for the government or any private organization.

So I guess you're a self-employed suspect?
Your ID which we have in our database have been sent to all the crimes agencies in America for them to inset you in their website as an internet fraudsters and to warn people from having any deals with you.

I can't handles so many singular/plural switch!
This would have been solved all this while if you had gotten the CERTIFICATE ENDORSED AND STAMPED as you were instructed in the e-mail below. This is the federal bureau of investigation (FBI) am writing in response to the e-mail you sent to us and am using this medium to inform you that there is no more time left to waste because you have been given a mandate. As stated earlier to have the document endorsed, signed and stamped without failure and you must adhere to this directives to avoid you blaming yourself at last when we must have arrested and jailed you for life and all your properties will be seized and bank account will be confiscated too.

So now you say you did get an email from me. Did I respond or not?
You failed to comply with our directives/instruction and that was the reason why we didn't hear from you, as our director has already been notified about you get the process completed yesterday and right now the WARRANT OF ARREST has been signed against you and it will be carried out in the next 48hours as strictly signed by the FBI director. We have investigated and found out that you didn't have any idea when the fraudulent deal was committed with your information's/identity and right now your ID is placed on our website as a wanted person, I believe you know that it will be a shame to you and your entire family because after then it will be announce in all the local channels that you are wanted by the FBI.

I'm due for my 15 minutes of fame, what the hell.
As a good Christian and a Honest man, I decided to see how i could be of help to you because i would not be happy to see you end up in jail and all your properties confiscated all because your information's was used to carry out a fraudulent transactions, i called the EFCC and they directed me to a private attorney who can help you get the process done and he stated that he will endorse and stamp the document at the sum of $98 usd only and i believe this process is cheaper for you.

I think you meant to use quotes instead of capitalization there -- "an 'honest' man," as in "honest according to a definition known by you alone."
You need to do every possible thing today and tomorrow to get this process done because our director has called to inform me that the warrant of arrest has been signed against you and once it has been approved, then the arrest will be carried out, and from our investigations we learnt that you were the person that forwarded your identity to one impostor/fraudsters in Nigeria when he had a deal with you about the transfer of some illegal funds into your bank account which is valued at the sum of $10,500,000.00 only.

You just said you were Robert S Mueller and that you are the director of the FBI. So who's this other guy?
I pleaded on your behalf so that this agency could give you till 6/30/2012 so that you could get this process done because i learnt that several e-mails has been sent to you without getting a response from you. Bear it in mind that this is the only way that i can be able to help you at this moment or you would have to face the law and its consequences once it had befallen on you. You would make the payment through western union money transfer with the below details.

I knew Western Union would come up eventually. Doesn't Western Union exert any control over their outlets?
NAME: DURU VINCE

ADDRESS: LAGOS, NIGERIA

TEXT QUESTION: BETTER

ANSWER: BEST

AMOUNT: $98

Senders Full Name:

Sender Full Address:

Direct Phone Number:

MTCN:

Send the payment details to me as stated above and make sure that you didn't hesitate making the payment down to the agency by today so that they could have the certificate endorsed, signed and stamped immediately without any further delay. After all this process has been carried out, then we would have to proceed to the bank for the transfer of your compensation funds which is valued at the sum of $10.500,000.00 usd which was supposed to have been transferred to you all this while.

Wait, you said you were Robert S. Mueller, III in Washington, DC; now you're Duru Vince in Lagos? That's even weirder than your noun-verb disagreement issues. Or maybe I'm just misunderstanding you, since you haven't told me where to send the information.
Note: All the crimes agencies have been contacted on this regards and we shall trace and arrest you if you disregard this instructions. You are given a grace today to make the payment for the document after which your failure to do that will attract a maximum arrest and finally you will be appearing in court for act of terrorism, money laundering and drug trafficking charges, so be warned not to try anything funny because you are been watched.

And apparently it's a capital crime, and I would be subjected to death by bad grammar.
Expecting your anticipated- Co-operation.

Yours in service,

Robert S. Mueller
FBI DIRECTOR


"Service" like a bull "services" a cow, apparently.

Sent from AOL server with "from" address huttoking@aol.com
"Reply-to" address rsm100@e-mail.ua
User avatar
AlphaCentauri
You are kiillllling-a my bizinisss!
 
Posts: 5989
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2007 3:01 am

Re: I'm in US, FBI is in US, why do I need a Nigerian lawyer?

Postby Red Dwarf » Sat Jun 23, 2012 4:32 pm

Remember to ask for a receipt for your charitable donation. :-)
User avatar
Red Dwarf
You are kiillllling-a my bizinisss!
 
Posts: 10518
Joined: Tue Jun 27, 2006 2:01 am

Re: I'm in US, FBI is in US, why do I need a Nigerian lawyer?

Postby spamislame » Sat Jun 23, 2012 5:26 pm

Do you want to know what the sad truth is about all this?

There are still people out there who will respond to this message. They have to be the most uneducated individuals on the face of the earth, but they're out there, and they do send money to these moron scammers.

It gives me no faith in humanity.

SiL
User avatar
spamislame
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5057
Joined: Tue May 09, 2006 9:18 am


Return to Sloppy, Lazy and Stupid Spammers

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron